Money
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto endures an unforgettable performance which describes exactly what his subordinates want from him.


**Money**

"You fools are the most spoiled, ungrateful, lazy prima donnas I've ever seen!" Magneto snapped while standing behind his desk in his private office.

"Hey, we do a lot of work around here," Sabertooth grunted standing before him. "It's not like we're a bunch of greedy, crooked stock investors living large on government handouts. Or corporate CEO's."

"No kidding," Remy agreed. "You have to admit boss, you don't exactly provide us with the best employment compensation package."

"What? That's ridiculous!" Magneto snorted. "I provide you with food, clothing, shelter and complete access to an infirmary stocked full with some of the most advanced medical equipment and resources on the planet. Well, except for contact with a dentist since you lunatics utterly **destroyed** the dental plan I had you on beyond all recognition!"

"Uh, let's not talk about that shall we?" Remy gulped while Sabertooth twitched and gave an involuntary shudder. "I still wake up in the middle of the night screaming from that little experience."

"A lavish recreation room, workout facilities, laundry access, tons of free time to do whatever insane nonsense you maniacs feel like doing," Magneto ticked off their privileges. "What more do you want?"

"You wanna know what we want?" Sabertooth gave him a strange look. "_Don't want no lovin'. Don't want no kissin'. Don't want no gal to call me honey._"

"Speak for yourself," Remy quipped.

"_Don't want my name in the Hall of Fame_," Sabertooth continued. "_Just want a big fat pile of money!_"

"Now you're talking," Remy grinned. "_Give me that all mighty dollar, for that lettuce hear me holler! Give me buckets full of ducats, let me walk around and waller!  
In mazuma, el dinero, wanna be a millionaire-o! Give me money, money, money, money, money!_"

"Okay, okay! I get the picture!" Magneto tried to silence them but to no avail.

"_We want that green ammunition, that's the stuff for which we're wishin'! Fill our closets with deposits, we're all demons at addition!_" Remy and Sabertooth chanted and held out their hands. "_Give us shekels, give us pesos, let us see their smilin' face-os! Money, money, money, money, money!_"

"Will you clowns knock it off!" Magneto shouted and held a hand to his temple. "And I thought the IRS was annoying!"

Sabertooth ignored Magneto's comments and stuck a pose. "_I wanna get me a suit that's made outta loot! And whistle, 'The Wearing of the Green'!_"

"Yeah!" Remy cheered. "_I've got that monetary-itis, like to be just like King Midas! Want that Golden Touch is what I mean!_"

"You're touched all right," Magneto snapped. "Touched in the head!"

"_Give us that old double eagle, want that tender that is legal! And financially, substantially any sum we can inveigle!_" Remy and Sabertooth sang and danced around cheerfully. "_Wanna live in regal splendor with that lovin' legal tender! Give us money, money, money, money, money!_"

"Oh geeze," Magneto groaned as the two Acolytes continued to sing and skip around the room.

"Hey, what's all the kafuffle about in here?" Pyro asked poking his head inside Magneto's office.

"Pyro!" Magneto noticied him at the door. "Congratulations on introducing me to a completely foreign sensation."

"Really? What's that?" Pyro asked.

"Being glad to see you," Magneto waved him over to his desk. "I need someone to talk to and for once you are not the craziest person in the room."

"Uh, okay," Pyro blinked as Remy and Sabertooth danced by. "What's going on? Looks like you're all having a good time."

"Having a living nightmare is more like it," Magneto groaned. "These two idiots won't stop going on about the joys of money and how they want me to give 'em more. I already provide them with enough stuff!"

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," Pyro chirped. "I like money too ya know! In fact…" He gave Magneto a grin. "_I'm a greenback collector, I'm a paper-bill inspector! I'm a savage for that cabbage! Man, to me it's golden nectar! Pour that filthy lucre on me! Spread those lovin' germs upon me! Give me money, money, money, money, money!_"

"Oh no! Not another one!" Magneto moaned and Pyro skipped away and joined his teammates. "I should have known better than to trust **Pyro** of all people to act reasonably and sane!"

Pyro laughed and danced around happily with a big smile on his face, completely ignoring Magneto's plight. "_Just let me roll 'round upon it, stuff those bank rags in my bonnet!_"

"_Any kind just so some president has got his picture on it!_" Remy cackled maniacally.

"_Let me feel it! Let me hold it! Let me sit there! Let me fold it!_" Sabertooth rubbed his thumbs and forefingers together giddily. "_Give me money, money, money, money, money!_"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE SHUT UP!" Magneto shouted and banged his head against his desk.

"_Give us treasure we can measure 'cause that's our idea of pleasure!_" The three Acolytes sang and danced around in union. "_Give us wampum, guilder, gedus, let us count it at our leisure!"_

_"Let me live in regal splendor with that lovin' legal tender!"_ Pyro shouted at the top of his lungs._ "Give me money, money, money, money, money!_"

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" Magneto screamed and covered his ears.

"_And if they ever plant trees of E. Pluribus Unum!_" Sabertooth strutted about dramatically as Remy and Pyro swayed in the background. "_I wanna be the guy that they send out to prune 'em!_" He began giggling hysterically._ "Oh give me money! Money, money, money! Give me your money, money, money, money, money!_"

"That's it! I can't take anymore!" Magneto shouted slamming his hands against his desk. "You idiots better get out of here right now or…hey!" Magneto yelped, noticing several of his desk drawers had been broken into. "What the…GAMBIT!"

"Alright! I got the loot!" Remy crowned with his hands and trench coat bulging with bills. "Let's roll!"

"GET BACK HERE YOU MANIACS!" Magneto screamed as the Acolytes tore out of his office. "GAMBIT YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro cheered as they ran for their lives away from Magneto.

A few moments later Piotr was walking down the hallway when he suddenly heard some loud shouts approaching his position. "Strange, what could that be?"

"COME BACK HERE YOU HYPERACTIVE LUNATICS!" Magneto yelled as he chased after his subordinates. "YOU'RE ALL DEAD! DEAD YOU HEAR ME?!"

"_We've got your money! Money, money, money! We've got your money, money, money, money, money!" _Remy, Pyro and Sabertooth rushed by hooting with their arms full of cash as they desperately tried to stay ahead of Magneto's wrath.

Piotr blinked and stood in silence for a moment. "I never know what is going on around here."

* * *

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Money" by Stan Freberg and Ruby Raskin.**


End file.
